Sponge Robert Quadratic Trousers

Far be it from us to assume that everyone knows who lives in a pineapple under the sea... but what we DO know is that a trip to Colonial Williamsburg is awesome and will make you want to talk all sorts of fancy and old-fashioned nonsense.

As rain blanketed much of Virginia, we pulled our massive vehicle on to the teeny tiny streets of Williamsburg, and got right to the business of seeing cool old stuff.

Day 1 was spent dodging rain and jumping puddles. April wandered the cobblestone streets in architectural heaven and Mark furthered his paralyzing fear gift shops and the nonsensical trinkets that they sell to smitten tourists.

Mark does not enjoy a souvenir. Let's get that out there right now.  That's good money that could be better spent on stocks, bonds, or zombie prepping gear.

Out of the gift shops and on to lunch, we found the very French and very amazing Blue Talon Bistro. Champagne. Crepes. Yes, please!



A little bubbly made the whole place seem even better, and we loved listening to the Williamsburg employees try desperately to get in a little work gossip while still staying in their required character.

Older lady making barrels: "So, did you court Sir Anthony last night?"
New college chick who can't believe she's stuck making barrels: "Uhhhhh, you mean Tony? Yeah, we went to Burger King."
Lady: "Ahhhhhh you meaneth the royal pub of sandwiches."
College Chick: "Uhhhhh, yeah, whatevereth."

Along with assuming a historical identity and wearing uncomfortable wool clothing, these fine folks are doing serious manual labor (making bricks, hauling water, splitting wood) all while dealing with a constant stream of annoying tourists and their questions.

This poor schmuck that pulled Oxen duty was not a fan of the muddy day. He had to walk his Oxen to market come rain or shine in order to get to the goods delivered and avoid the gallows. Colonial summer bummer!

 

 Day 2 brought sunshine, amazing weather, and a plethora of things to see around this adorable slice of American history. 

 

 

 

First stop... The Brickyard! Andrew, a boy who loves playing in the mud for any reason, found it especially amazing that people used to get paid to stomp clay all day.  His mother told him not to sit down in the clay. He immediately sat down and rolled around in the clay.  He was sorry, not sorry.   

 

The clay did not wash off easily. Mark felt that a hose and some water pressure would not have been too much to ask - as we all know that less than a mile away is 2016.

We took our muddy munchkins to jail... because we didn't want them anymore once they were dirty.

Kidding. Relax.

 

At the jail, we found ourselves in the very same prison cell that held Blackbeard's pirate friends while they awaited hanging. Blackbeard wasn't hanged, he was already dead from the battle that took his crew. His pirate friends, however, had to be put on display in the Williamsburg town square for their pre-hanging dose of ridicule... because there was no internet back then and you simply had to taunt people in person.

Next up, the barrel and bucket making station, where Andrew enjoyed putting buckets on his head as they got smaller and smaller.  During this process, Mark's concerns about how he was going to dislodge a well-made, authentic wooden bucket from his son's noggin' grew larger and larger.

 

 

 

Finally, some 18th Century lunch at King Arms Tavern. Don't even bother asking for a straw, the server will fetch you a bit of actual straw. There are a few things that translate well into Colonial speak - Peanut soup and pot pies. We suggest eating both of those because they are delicious.  We don't suggest letting your kids drink from the huge and fragile glassware.  Kids spilling stuff is timeless... as Max demonstrated when he lost control of his goblet and dumped an entire glass of lemonade on some fancy old carpeting. 

Oops. 

Soggy, straw-less, but well fed - we decided to bust out of the Colonial Era and head back to the land of plastic cups with lids. 

Back at the campsite, the boys wasted no time putting the pioneering skills they had learned to work as they constructed a fort in the forest behind our campsite.  

 

 

Tomorrow, on to Washington DC! 

Jamestown

Welcome to Virginia! Home of old stuff, peanut soup, and a slew of volunteers who will tell you this: The Pilgrims ain't got nothing on Virginia. Pilgrims are so 1620.

Our little history buff, Andrew, led the charge to our first stop, Jamestown.

First up, a photo by the Florida flag, a little piece of home! 

 

The Jamestown settlement in the Colony of Virginia was the first permanent English settlement in the New World, with the goal being to "turn a fantastic profit." Yes, that's the America we love. 

Back to the business of historic tourism...The visitors' area has two parts: the actual historic site with the archaeological ruins of Jamestown and a recreated settlement, complete with actors and props.

First up, at the theme park version of the Jamestown Settlement, the boys jumped right in to daily life in the 1600s.

Andrew was mid-flirt with this basket weaver when a giant hornet flew up her buckskin dress and she freaked out ... 2016 style. Andrew was not having any of it and insisted that she get back in to character by offering  "I really don't think Indians are all that afraid of bugs" and "You would think Indians would have used some sort of insect repellent." She did her best and argued that Indians used "bear fat" as insect repellent and that she was unable to slay a bear this morning. Andrew suggested that she should make more of an effort.

 

Our little sailor Andrew loves life aboard a ship. He furiously pumped the bilges, steered the tillers, and ordered people to run things up the yard arm. A little foreshadowing from Mark - when we run this RV thing dry, we may move on to sailing adventures....don't tell April, she is still coming to grips with "camping".

 

Next, over to the historic site and ruins. 

 

While history was coming alive for Andrew, Max was decidedly over it.... 

But we all agreed that this tree had a great face going.

 

We rounded out the night with a 9pm ghost tour of Williamsburg led by a lady so intense that she may have been an actual ghost. She scowled at other tour groups, banned us from walking on the sidewalk, insisted that we stand in a straight line, and frequently barked like a dog. At the end of the tour she was sure to shamelessly plug the fact that she wrote a book about how to start your own ghost tour.... It's FLYING off the shelves, apparently. Haha... Ghost pun. 

 

The tour ended around 10:30 and we loaded our sleepy boys in the truck and headed for home. 

Near the William and Mary campus,  a car full of college girls flashed their lights and waved out the window at Mark. He beamed with pride and uttered something to the effect of, "Oh yeah, I still got it!"  As they came closer, the driver's eager and friendly face turned to disappointment as she said "Oh, we thought you were a tow truck."

A piece of Mark's soul died.

F350 problems. 

As April laughed hysterically, Mark's middle age status firmly sunk in. Clearly, these ladies were asking for a very different kind of jump. At 35, he was fully relieved and content to be a simple family man and came to the rescue of the damsels by informing them that, although his enormous truck did not belong to the City of Williamsburg, he was still a card carrying member of the man club. Which meant, of course, he was prepared with a set of jumper cables. He had to take a child's car seat out to get to them, which made April laugh even harder. Max thought it was fun too: he got to hold the jumper cables while Dad put his car seat back in.

 

Ghost tour over and college ladies saved from a dead battery, we headed back to the camper to ride out a Virginia thunderstorm. 

Surf City Here We Come

You know we're goin' to Surf City, gonna have some fun!

We packed up our rig and continued our trek north toward Surf City, NC.  Max was a big help, carefully stowing away each and every bubble that he could find.

Surf City is an adorable North Carolina beach town that just happens to be home to one very famous penguin: Mimi Von Isberg. 

 

Luckily, April went to high school with Annie, Mimi Von Isberg's host mother, so we were invited over for penguin swimming, wine, pizza and playing.

Now.... If you've got a penguin living with you, you've got to keep things COLD. No worries, this family supplies their guests with warm, fuzzy robes. That's right, Mark pulled the Super Man robe, no big surprise there. 

 

April and Annie were able to wrestle the bottle of wine away from Mimi the penguin without too much trouble - after all, penguins don't have thumbs. Good times followed and we had a wonderful evening catching up on old times!

  

 

The kids played for hours until they literally begged us to let them go to sleep.

As a parting gift, Andrew thanked everyone by sharing some of his presidential Pez dispensers he had gotten that morning at Cracker Barrel. Who knew the box set of presidents #11 through  #15 were in such high demand? Unfortunately we had no actual Pez candies to gift our gracious hosts. Earlier in the day, Mark insisted on having April shoot them into his mouth from the dispenser (James Polk) every few minutes as they crossed the border into North Carolina while proclaiming: "Peace, plenty, and contentment reign throughout our borders, and our beloved country presents a sublime moral spectacle to the world!"

 

Morning at our seaside campsite brought sweet ocean front views and even sweeter homemade donuts from The Daily Grind. 

 

 

Eager to show the kids one of the shining seas, we walked our sugar covered babies across the street and up over the sand dunes to reveal the Atlantic Ocean. Andrew led the charge and the kids enjoyed a morning dip in the water and a valiant battle with the incoming surf. 

 

 

Sufficiently sandy, we loaded up the RV and headed out of town. To pass the time, Andrew started his own travel blog, which already seems far better than ours! 

 

Next stop, Virginia! 

Charleston In A Day

Not so long ago, one of our favorite people, Dr. Sarah Thomas, wrote up a little "to do" list for our upcoming visit to Charleston. 

It was mostly centered around food, but also included fun activities! We took the challenge, and the result was Charleston In A Day! 

First up: Breakfast at Hominy Grill. Grits were involved. As was pork belly. Mark tried to lick his plate. 

 

 

From there, we headed to the waterfront for the Children's Treasure Hunt Tour. For $15, this "pirate" will get your kids to run the perimeter of the park and find clues and, eventually, treasure. Your kids may beg for water... There won't be any... But the blame for that rests solely on the lazy parents who didn't pack any drinks for the 98 degree day. The "pirate" will tell A LOT of stories about cross-dressing pirates. There is not any booze. It's not for everyone, but the end result is a couple of exhausted and confused kids. 

 

 

After that, we got some much needed water and plopped down in the shade of a Charleston Carriage Tour. Ohhhhhhhh pretty houses. 

 

 

 

 

Then it was time for lunch. We were under A LOT of pressure to try everything Sarah recommended, so we we went straight to Lowcountry Bistro for Chicken and Waffles. 

 

Next, it was back to the camper for some air conditioning and a much needed shower.  Much of this 2 hour break with also consumed with prepping our children for the fancy restaurant we were headed to for dinner: Halls Chophouse. 

"If you don't behave, the one armed man will eat you while you're sleeping."

We joke.... 

Anywho - back to the food. No Charleston culinary tour would be complete without a trip to the famed Halls Chophouse. 

 

Upon arrival, we spent 5 minutes reviewing all the things that the kids were NOT allowed to touch and kindly asking the waiter to remove some of the 16 wine glasses on the table (I mean.... OF COURSE leave our 8 wine glasses but please take the breakables away from the kids). 

The owner came over to greet us - although I was sure it was to kick us out - but instead he made a very nice deal out of "Sir Andrew and Sir Max" joining Halls this evening. Delightful. 

Shirley Temples we delivered and the boys got to drawing while we got to a lonely Cabernet. 

When the bread arrived, Andrew proudly displayed his picture he'd been working on 😁

 

It's a lighthouse and two sailboats 😁

The phallic photo prompted this father son chat...

 

He also made this - which made for better conversation... 

 

All in all, it was a fantastic and filling day. 

Also, we're not eating again for a month... Or are we? We picked up some BBQ for the road. On to the next adventure!

On The Road Again

Oh, Royan Vehicle Blog! We've missed you!

1. We haven't posted since 2012. 😁
2. We've been too lazy to blog for the last 4 years. Plus, it's just not as interesting when not an election year.
3. We are going to blame that on the children, and Donald Trump. They are very cute but exhausting....
4. We don't want to disappoint our legions of fans... All 9 of you... So we promise to do better in 2016.

We're back on the road - we have gone through 2 campers since our last post. The ole Class A is long gone after it's propensity for breaking down pretty much all the time... and catching on fire.  We've moved on to towing things that we can drag behind a truck. We started with a reasonable trailer and a F150. That wasn't terrifying enough for Mark to white-knuckle down the Interstate, so now we're sporting a 5th wheel and a F350.

To say its a "lot of rig" is an understatement. So big. Very Heavy. Mark talks about how it could "crush him at any moment if he makes the wrong move". We're insane... I know..... Cray.

Anywho, a fresh Royan Vehicle in tow, we pointed our truck Northeast from our sleepy little burg of Naples and headed toward Kennedy Space Center. Because it's awesome and who doesn't love space ships?

Mark attempted to issue a voice command to the truck's navigation computer and it responded with: "Zoning Out. Goodbye."

Frick.

It's fine.... Who needs that to work on an 8 week road trip?

Max wasn't phased. He informed us all that he needed to be left alone because he was "working on his thesis." Way to go, 4 year old who can't yet read or write. Set your standards high, kid.

 

Hours later, we arrived at Manatee Hammock  RV Park and made camp for the night. Max made a pile of sticks and leaves as a squirrel trap. We did not trap any squirrels. There was a dachshund that showed slight interest.

 

Friday morning, we headed to Kennedy Space Center. It was out of this world 😜

Andrew is particularly patriotic, which makes Mark especially proud. He salutes every time he sees an American flag. Good boy!

 

Max still enjoys the occasional ride on Dad's shoulders, though it is getting a bit harder for Mark to keep up when Max asks him to "run at full speed like a race horse".

 

After exploring Mars, we headed to Darien, Georgia to camp at Inland Harbor, eat at the amazing Skippers Fish Camp, and feed an alligator our leftover fries (Shhhhh is that legal in GA?... We didn't really do that.... No, we did.... Everybody else was doing it!).

Saturday morning we're up and headed to Charleston.... A place that is super popular for camping. A place that really requires reservations. We don't have reservations!

We called around to every park we could find - all full. With one option left, Mark called and asked as nicely as he could. The lady responded with "Well you must of hugged a kitten this morning, because I've got one spot left!"

Eager to see what Charleston has in store for us, meow!